Nothing really to talk about tonight.. its just been a while..
i see 13's and 113's everywhere.. maybe hindsight will show this as one more instance where i knew something was happening. But it's not my turn to go. i've been tested enough..
It's hard to have faith.. maybe thats why they call it that..
When you know.. when you see.. when you feel what's in your mind's eye, and know what's in your heart, its tough to simply have patience.. especially when you know it's not up to you, & there's nothing you can, or should, do to help it. You just want to cannonball in and throw everything else aside.. fight the demons, slay the dragon, display outwardly what you know your soul is capable of..
but it's not about pride. or want. or what "i" want.
Its about having the strength to help them on their path, not clear it for them.
To be beside them when they're strong enough to ask.
Or simply want you to be.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Intent
Its been a while.. nothing really earth shattering has happened around here..
The job is still good, and they're increasing my territory.. they're now working on giving me a staff to eliminate a butt-load of travel that i'd have to do to maintain it.. i'm torn a bit, because its something i know i can do, but i take a lot of joy in "helping people" with their computers, not just fixing computers.. Amanda says "i'll always be doing what i love doing, no matter what that is"..
(which is a big part of the reason i'll always love that girl..)
My last visit to Pennsylvania i Booked a session with Maggie Salter: she's an intuitive and a friend of Amanda's. It was a good session: confirmed for me a lot i already knew, but needed to hear from someone else that "i'm not crazy" for following the path im on, & gave me some thoughts & ideas on what i really needed to do to keep myself centered and focused on my desires.. One word that struck me at this session was "intent"..
My entire life, i've done things with others best interests at heart, sacrificing my own desires for "the greater good".. this isn't necessarily a bad thing to me: i've always felt strong enough to withstand the resulting pain (if any), i've cultivated a strong sense of integrity, and its given me the fortitude to be "a rock" for those who needed it.. part of me says i've done this because the pull towards my desires in these cases was never strong enough to overwhelm the thoughts in my head that it was better not to pursue them. Maybe it was a lack of attachment to these desires.. maybe it was "the universe" telling me it wasn't meant to be, & it was in my best interest to step away..
The thing is, while i did these things, i knew in my head what i was doing, but looking into it from outside, it would seem like i was simply retreating, or giving up, or basically had no desire at all..
Or in English: the intent of my actions was never clear.
I realize that when you do something, its not always important for others to know why you're taking these actions.. Because if you *need* others to know, its basically just an ego stroke.. "hey lookit what i'm doing! i'm sacrificing for YOU! love me!" When the Ego gets involved, the intent of your actions can become a weapon, dealing pain, guilt and manipulation.
however.. there's also times when your intent really and truly needs to be known: especially when it comes to someone you love. Its tricky..
- my mom wants me to call her more often, mostly because I haven't. My Rationale for doing so has been to allow her time to do what she wants to do without being in the way.. my Intent is simply to allow her to "be" and enjoy time alone with Don, but not making this clear has hurt her because it seems like I've withdrawn from the family..
- in contrast, I spend time with Amanda's parents and call them monthly. My Intent is to keep in touch and enjoy their company when i can: they're great people.. but given the breakup with Amanda, it could also be seen as an attempt to continue contact "through the back door"
- i dont call Amanda as often as I want to... I feel it causes conflict in her new relationship, so my intent is to not provoke the instability i feel it would bring.. but she could see it as me simply not caring
Like a Sword of Truth, the intention of your actions determine the strength of the magic they will bring.. be clear in your intent and the results will be astounding...
LYA
The job is still good, and they're increasing my territory.. they're now working on giving me a staff to eliminate a butt-load of travel that i'd have to do to maintain it.. i'm torn a bit, because its something i know i can do, but i take a lot of joy in "helping people" with their computers, not just fixing computers.. Amanda says "i'll always be doing what i love doing, no matter what that is"..
(which is a big part of the reason i'll always love that girl..)
My last visit to Pennsylvania i Booked a session with Maggie Salter: she's an intuitive and a friend of Amanda's. It was a good session: confirmed for me a lot i already knew, but needed to hear from someone else that "i'm not crazy" for following the path im on, & gave me some thoughts & ideas on what i really needed to do to keep myself centered and focused on my desires.. One word that struck me at this session was "intent"..
My entire life, i've done things with others best interests at heart, sacrificing my own desires for "the greater good".. this isn't necessarily a bad thing to me: i've always felt strong enough to withstand the resulting pain (if any), i've cultivated a strong sense of integrity, and its given me the fortitude to be "a rock" for those who needed it.. part of me says i've done this because the pull towards my desires in these cases was never strong enough to overwhelm the thoughts in my head that it was better not to pursue them. Maybe it was a lack of attachment to these desires.. maybe it was "the universe" telling me it wasn't meant to be, & it was in my best interest to step away..
The thing is, while i did these things, i knew in my head what i was doing, but looking into it from outside, it would seem like i was simply retreating, or giving up, or basically had no desire at all..
Or in English: the intent of my actions was never clear.
I realize that when you do something, its not always important for others to know why you're taking these actions.. Because if you *need* others to know, its basically just an ego stroke.. "hey lookit what i'm doing! i'm sacrificing for YOU! love me!" When the Ego gets involved, the intent of your actions can become a weapon, dealing pain, guilt and manipulation.
however.. there's also times when your intent really and truly needs to be known: especially when it comes to someone you love. Its tricky..
- my mom wants me to call her more often, mostly because I haven't. My Rationale for doing so has been to allow her time to do what she wants to do without being in the way.. my Intent is simply to allow her to "be" and enjoy time alone with Don, but not making this clear has hurt her because it seems like I've withdrawn from the family..
- in contrast, I spend time with Amanda's parents and call them monthly. My Intent is to keep in touch and enjoy their company when i can: they're great people.. but given the breakup with Amanda, it could also be seen as an attempt to continue contact "through the back door"
- i dont call Amanda as often as I want to... I feel it causes conflict in her new relationship, so my intent is to not provoke the instability i feel it would bring.. but she could see it as me simply not caring
Like a Sword of Truth, the intention of your actions determine the strength of the magic they will bring.. be clear in your intent and the results will be astounding...
LYA
Monday, July 25, 2011
July 22: Met my Spirit Guide
today i slept in.. i always sleep in when i'm dreaming..
i don't *remember* the dream, but i do remember what came after..
i've always felt i had an issue with meditation: not being in the right mind state to just let it happen. which troubles me, because getting into a calm state really helps with accepting whatever messages come in.. lets start from scratch:
- i spent some time with Donna kiss, in april: a session to meet my spirit guide. all i got out of the session was a glowy ball of light, over a lake, some sparkles off the water. in this session, we were supposed to be able to ask them "who they are" and if they had any messages for me.. the answer i got was "you don't need to know", and "nope, no messages right now".. a little disappointing, but when talking to Donna about it, she said that was ok, and asked me what color(s) the ball were.. i said "white, with a tinge of blue".. she said it was a very powerful spirit, who was on the verge of crossing over.. scary, but i took this to mean my GBL (glowy ball of light) didnt want to give up too much because "he was helping", but he was going to be handing things off soon. Donna also said she saw another female image in my "scene".. (Amanda was in the scene i came up with..)
- i tried a guided meditation with Rosanna in April, same scene, same answers/result. it made me wonder if i was doing things right. still wasn't able to quiet my mind enough for it to feel "right"..
- i've been getting a lot of 13's and 113's this is supposed to be a sign that "whatever i'm thinking about, the ascended masters (we're talking Jesus, Mary M, Bhuda, past Lama's) are looking out for me & taking care of things.. "don't worry".. i'm almost always thinking of Amanda when a combination of these numbers show up. i've also been pulling the soulmate, & release and surrender cards lately: release & surrender means i need to stop worrying & give my fears to the Angels, because it's out of my hands: they're taking care of me..
- today i woke up to the Ipad (which somehow was on) playing Rosanna & i's first session, & it was back at the spot where she was doing this guided meditation in April.. so i just kept my eyes shut, 1/2 listened to the tape, but went back to the scene and asked again.. this time i got a name, a color, more sparkles on the water, and a message.
the name i got started with an A... it stuttered a bit, almost as if it was "me" who couldn't decide on which A name it was.. i finally got "Arial", but then got the feeling "no, Azreal".. The message i got was "don't worry", and the color i got (i asked in my mind what color was associated with him, expecting the blue that i got from my initial "meet & greet", but this time i got "yellow.. orange.. golden".. not seeing the colors, but hearing them..
so i said: "thank you, and thank you for keeping me on the path (both with amanda, and with keeping me on "my" path).
i got up and went to the archangel deck, because i was *really* curious to see if i'd finally cracked or not.. found one card related to him: comfort.. a word i've been using to confirm intuitive decisions, readings, etc.. (ie if i do a reading for someone, if it felt comforatable, then "i was doing it right"..) interesting..
immediately needed to pull some cards... shuffle them up, and the card reading was: Divine timing, Soulmate, Release and Surrender. holy shit.
looked up Azreal on the internet: he is the Archangel of Death (WHOA, says i.. but in this case Death means "Transitions".. and comforting those who pass on. one site says associated colors for Azreal are Silver and black, but another (which more depicts him as the archangel of transitions) has his colors as pale yellow, creamy vanilla, or eggshell. compassion and wisdom are some key words..
at this point i'm thinking "Giggity", 'cause it's kinda "me" too.
here's some background that kinda shook me a bit though.. " he has many names (ismael, Azrail, Izrail, etc) Azreal means "whom god helps", he's a twin flame of Jesus, and guiding influence & consort to mary Magdalene. 'Many doorways are open to you now. it is for you to choose which ones you wish to step through. You have had confirmation in many shapes and forms as these weeks and months have progressed. You have faith, more confidence in yourself, and more trust in your ability to make those decisions that are wise and appropriate for you now. So it is for you to make your choice about which door or doors you wish to step through. There is a wide vista of opportunitis spreading out before you, and only you will know the right direction to take. But you *will* know, for you will feel it within your heart; you will feel it within your soul; you will feel it within every fiber of your being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.
go with strength, go with confidence, and go with joy and our love. We are Azrael and Magdalena. (www.innerlightworkers.co.uk)
so.. wow..
all of this.. all of the crazyness, the un mistakable beliefe, the things ive done and started to believe in have all been about transitioning into something better.. chrysalis to butterfly? so it makes sense that an angel thike Azreal would be helping me out.. i guess the real troubling part is that i know who its with. not a doubt in my mind. but its still tough to give it completely over to them, even though it should be easier..
when you believe in something so much, its hard to wait. but it ain't about me. i'm ready, she's not.. and therin lies the key to divine timing.
but i got some big guns rooting for us.. :O)
lya
i don't *remember* the dream, but i do remember what came after..
i've always felt i had an issue with meditation: not being in the right mind state to just let it happen. which troubles me, because getting into a calm state really helps with accepting whatever messages come in.. lets start from scratch:
- i spent some time with Donna kiss, in april: a session to meet my spirit guide. all i got out of the session was a glowy ball of light, over a lake, some sparkles off the water. in this session, we were supposed to be able to ask them "who they are" and if they had any messages for me.. the answer i got was "you don't need to know", and "nope, no messages right now".. a little disappointing, but when talking to Donna about it, she said that was ok, and asked me what color(s) the ball were.. i said "white, with a tinge of blue".. she said it was a very powerful spirit, who was on the verge of crossing over.. scary, but i took this to mean my GBL (glowy ball of light) didnt want to give up too much because "he was helping", but he was going to be handing things off soon. Donna also said she saw another female image in my "scene".. (Amanda was in the scene i came up with..)
- i tried a guided meditation with Rosanna in April, same scene, same answers/result. it made me wonder if i was doing things right. still wasn't able to quiet my mind enough for it to feel "right"..
- i've been getting a lot of 13's and 113's this is supposed to be a sign that "whatever i'm thinking about, the ascended masters (we're talking Jesus, Mary M, Bhuda, past Lama's) are looking out for me & taking care of things.. "don't worry".. i'm almost always thinking of Amanda when a combination of these numbers show up. i've also been pulling the soulmate, & release and surrender cards lately: release & surrender means i need to stop worrying & give my fears to the Angels, because it's out of my hands: they're taking care of me..
- today i woke up to the Ipad (which somehow was on) playing Rosanna & i's first session, & it was back at the spot where she was doing this guided meditation in April.. so i just kept my eyes shut, 1/2 listened to the tape, but went back to the scene and asked again.. this time i got a name, a color, more sparkles on the water, and a message.
the name i got started with an A... it stuttered a bit, almost as if it was "me" who couldn't decide on which A name it was.. i finally got "Arial", but then got the feeling "no, Azreal".. The message i got was "don't worry", and the color i got (i asked in my mind what color was associated with him, expecting the blue that i got from my initial "meet & greet", but this time i got "yellow.. orange.. golden".. not seeing the colors, but hearing them..
so i said: "thank you, and thank you for keeping me on the path (both with amanda, and with keeping me on "my" path).
i got up and went to the archangel deck, because i was *really* curious to see if i'd finally cracked or not.. found one card related to him: comfort.. a word i've been using to confirm intuitive decisions, readings, etc.. (ie if i do a reading for someone, if it felt comforatable, then "i was doing it right"..) interesting..
immediately needed to pull some cards... shuffle them up, and the card reading was: Divine timing, Soulmate, Release and Surrender. holy shit.
looked up Azreal on the internet: he is the Archangel of Death (WHOA, says i.. but in this case Death means "Transitions".. and comforting those who pass on. one site says associated colors for Azreal are Silver and black, but another (which more depicts him as the archangel of transitions) has his colors as pale yellow, creamy vanilla, or eggshell. compassion and wisdom are some key words..
at this point i'm thinking "Giggity", 'cause it's kinda "me" too.
here's some background that kinda shook me a bit though.. " he has many names (ismael, Azrail, Izrail, etc) Azreal means "whom god helps", he's a twin flame of Jesus, and guiding influence & consort to mary Magdalene. 'Many doorways are open to you now. it is for you to choose which ones you wish to step through. You have had confirmation in many shapes and forms as these weeks and months have progressed. You have faith, more confidence in yourself, and more trust in your ability to make those decisions that are wise and appropriate for you now. So it is for you to make your choice about which door or doors you wish to step through. There is a wide vista of opportunitis spreading out before you, and only you will know the right direction to take. But you *will* know, for you will feel it within your heart; you will feel it within your soul; you will feel it within every fiber of your being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.
go with strength, go with confidence, and go with joy and our love. We are Azrael and Magdalena. (www.innerlightworkers.co.uk)
so.. wow..
all of this.. all of the crazyness, the un mistakable beliefe, the things ive done and started to believe in have all been about transitioning into something better.. chrysalis to butterfly? so it makes sense that an angel thike Azreal would be helping me out.. i guess the real troubling part is that i know who its with. not a doubt in my mind. but its still tough to give it completely over to them, even though it should be easier..
when you believe in something so much, its hard to wait. but it ain't about me. i'm ready, she's not.. and therin lies the key to divine timing.
but i got some big guns rooting for us.. :O)
lya
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Rewiring your brain (or, " Who the F* am *I*?!?)
In my industry, knowledge is king..
I'm a tech guy.. and in the tech business, it's *rare* that criticism, is accepted as "constructive".. rarer still to be able to offer it without someone getting completely defensive about it.. its almost as if any advice is considered an attack.. i believe this is because we're sometimes afraid that if we admit to say "we're wrong", or " i hadn't thought of that", it admits defeat or weakness. In a sense, we could loose our jobs if we are wrong..
Welp, real life is sometimes like this.. you have to be willing to accept constructive criticism, *without fear*, if you want to be happy. But it go's deeper than that..
There's a lot of people who are out there that don't feel deserving of love, or feel unworthy, or somehow there's something lacking within them to be able to accept the love or advice they are being offered (good or bad).. it's like "you love me? why? what did i do?"
Its almost as if people feel a *need* to be defensive . There's a lot to be said for the idea that we bring upon ourselves enough feelings of "unworthyness" that any external influence is just piling on more crap we don't need.. so being defensive is only natural..
*but*, here's the thing..
Whats wrong with loving yourself enough to accept the criticism? There's absolutely *nothing* wrong with accepting it, then later saying the criticism is complete bullshit. But becoming immediately defensive about it just exhibits a fear that you're unworthy or not good enough.
So there's where you need to rewire your brain..
You *are* awesome, and you *are* worthy of the love others give you.. you are also strong enough to withstand criticism, and accept it for what it really is.. a chance to reaffirm and reexamine how awesome you are.
Loving yourself and really accepting yourself in general is the key to a lot of things. Your life suddenly gets better, fewer bad things happen, and when they do, "hey, whaddaya know" they're confident enough in themselves to handle it.
Go and watch "She's out of my League".. a corny, crude movie where the premise is "perfect 10 falls in love with a hard 5". Through the crap (sometimes hilarious crap), the real message was that she fell for him because he was a 10: the 5 just needed to love himself enough to *be* the 10..
You're a 10.. love yourself enough to be it..
I'm a tech guy.. and in the tech business, it's *rare* that criticism, is accepted as "constructive".. rarer still to be able to offer it without someone getting completely defensive about it.. its almost as if any advice is considered an attack.. i believe this is because we're sometimes afraid that if we admit to say "we're wrong", or " i hadn't thought of that", it admits defeat or weakness. In a sense, we could loose our jobs if we are wrong..
Welp, real life is sometimes like this.. you have to be willing to accept constructive criticism, *without fear*, if you want to be happy. But it go's deeper than that..
There's a lot of people who are out there that don't feel deserving of love, or feel unworthy, or somehow there's something lacking within them to be able to accept the love or advice they are being offered (good or bad).. it's like "you love me? why? what did i do?"
Its almost as if people feel a *need* to be defensive . There's a lot to be said for the idea that we bring upon ourselves enough feelings of "unworthyness" that any external influence is just piling on more crap we don't need.. so being defensive is only natural..
*but*, here's the thing..
Whats wrong with loving yourself enough to accept the criticism? There's absolutely *nothing* wrong with accepting it, then later saying the criticism is complete bullshit. But becoming immediately defensive about it just exhibits a fear that you're unworthy or not good enough.
So there's where you need to rewire your brain..
You *are* awesome, and you *are* worthy of the love others give you.. you are also strong enough to withstand criticism, and accept it for what it really is.. a chance to reaffirm and reexamine how awesome you are.
Loving yourself and really accepting yourself in general is the key to a lot of things. Your life suddenly gets better, fewer bad things happen, and when they do, "hey, whaddaya know" they're confident enough in themselves to handle it.
Go and watch "She's out of my League".. a corny, crude movie where the premise is "perfect 10 falls in love with a hard 5". Through the crap (sometimes hilarious crap), the real message was that she fell for him because he was a 10: the 5 just needed to love himself enough to *be* the 10..
You're a 10.. love yourself enough to be it..
Friday, May 20, 2011
Faith and accepting fate
not sure what to post tonight.. just that "i gotta"..
i spent the last weekend Larping, reconnecting with the ex, and helping people who needed it.. its what i do, and i am great at it.. insofar as helping people realize what it is that they already know.. it's great being the "little reminder" that people need to get back in touch wth them ownselves..
but i digress..
this last weekend was phenominal for me.. spiritually and otherwise..
let me start at the beginning..
for the last month, i've been getting feelings.. seeing signs, and noticing a lot of "i should be doing-ness" stuff..
i've been going to Rosanna to help unlock my block insofar as accepting my spirituality.. not anything bizarre, jut really believing in the feelings that i get and following my heart..
last month, i've been getting hit hard with "13's" .. i'll be driving somwehere and thinking "i miss her", and a 13 will pop up out of the blue.. it'll be 13 degrees out, or 13 km to the next town, or 1;13 in the afternoon (13:13)..
to me, this is a sign of my ex girlfriend and soulmate; her favorite number is 13.. but it turns out that it's also a sign of angel ascendeds, which is really cool because it's nice to know that someone like mary magdelena is looking at whatever situation you've got and saying "yeah, that should work out.."..
so, 13's keep popping up.. i'm asking myself, "self, what's going on.. i know *I* believe it's related to my Ex....(and it is really.. keep reading..)."
so my mentor and spirit guide, in a totally unrelated session, says "think of a question you need to ask, and pull cards till you feel it's right".. so i go with it..
the number i think of is originally 3, then @ the last moment i think "1".. and i pull 1 card..
as per my post for the 13th, it's the harmony card..
this is interesting, because the question i asked was: should i go to this LARPing session in new york.. because it ment the distinct possibility of running into my Ex, and her current squeeze.. i wanted to go, but i don't want to screw up whatever she has going on..
anyhoo.. you're supposed to not just take the card at it's "face value".. you need to look at the imagery and see what it means to you.. because this is truly the connection between you and the spirits looking out for you.. messages are everywhere..
i look at the card: it has a blue bit at the bottom, and a lot of trees.. this represents a forrested area with a lake/pond, which i took to mean "Crossroads", the Larping place i was asking if i should go to.. they have a spot like this, and i remember it vividly as a place i totally felt at peace in..
the other aspect of the card is the halo/bright light around the angel's head.. meeting my "spirit guide" garnered an image of "GBL", my "glowy ball of light".. it refuses to let me know "why me", but i've just accepted it as my symbol into the spiritual world.. It's looking out for me, but it's temporary till its done with me and i move on to the next one..
the last aspect of the card was the angel with the fiddle.... i always used to call my ex "angel".. and she had a pentient, after we broke up, to learn the fiddle.. (and i hear she's doing awesome at it)
the angel with the fiddle clinched it.. the 13s were a sign that i needed to go down there.. she was calling to me.. if for no other reason than just to say "hi", maybe give her a hug, and let her know that "i'm still there for her".. but the angel with the fiddle was a definate sign to me that i had to be there.. i booked a flight that day.
as it turns out.. when all this was going down in my mind (say, late april), she had this rabid desire to talk to me.. no phone call, not by text, face to face..
she called and i heard it.. just like when we would text each other @ the exact same moment when we were together; just like when i would think of her and she would shudder, knowing it was me.. we have a connection, her and i.. something that ascends mere labels... this weekend, and the *fact* that i came when she called, clinched it for me.
we're connected. and i need no other proof of it. whatever she needs of me, she's got it: regardless of our status as a couple or not..
i still see us growing old together.. and in that vision, i look to my right, and she's *with* me, her hand in mine.. and smiling that world-stopping smile of hers..
that hasn't changed since we broke up, and the image is just as strong as it was 7 months ago.. but just like 7 months ago, i know in my heart "she needs to do something, and i can't be a part of it".. so all i can be is supportive..
i also know in my heart she knows that..
that's my story. This event has bolstered my faith in her, and in my spirituality.. what it means to "us".. whatever we will be, it will be strong.
But insofar as my faith, gentle readers: its reinforced this... trust your gut, because it truly will lead you where you need to go. The signs will just reinforce it, like they have with me.. your gut and your heart are one..
i spent the last weekend Larping, reconnecting with the ex, and helping people who needed it.. its what i do, and i am great at it.. insofar as helping people realize what it is that they already know.. it's great being the "little reminder" that people need to get back in touch wth them ownselves..
but i digress..
this last weekend was phenominal for me.. spiritually and otherwise..
let me start at the beginning..
for the last month, i've been getting feelings.. seeing signs, and noticing a lot of "i should be doing-ness" stuff..
i've been going to Rosanna to help unlock my block insofar as accepting my spirituality.. not anything bizarre, jut really believing in the feelings that i get and following my heart..
last month, i've been getting hit hard with "13's" .. i'll be driving somwehere and thinking "i miss her", and a 13 will pop up out of the blue.. it'll be 13 degrees out, or 13 km to the next town, or 1;13 in the afternoon (13:13)..
to me, this is a sign of my ex girlfriend and soulmate; her favorite number is 13.. but it turns out that it's also a sign of angel ascendeds, which is really cool because it's nice to know that someone like mary magdelena is looking at whatever situation you've got and saying "yeah, that should work out.."..
so, 13's keep popping up.. i'm asking myself, "self, what's going on.. i know *I* believe it's related to my Ex....(and it is really.. keep reading..)."
so my mentor and spirit guide, in a totally unrelated session, says "think of a question you need to ask, and pull cards till you feel it's right".. so i go with it..
the number i think of is originally 3, then @ the last moment i think "1".. and i pull 1 card..
as per my post for the 13th, it's the harmony card..
this is interesting, because the question i asked was: should i go to this LARPing session in new york.. because it ment the distinct possibility of running into my Ex, and her current squeeze.. i wanted to go, but i don't want to screw up whatever she has going on..
anyhoo.. you're supposed to not just take the card at it's "face value".. you need to look at the imagery and see what it means to you.. because this is truly the connection between you and the spirits looking out for you.. messages are everywhere..
i look at the card: it has a blue bit at the bottom, and a lot of trees.. this represents a forrested area with a lake/pond, which i took to mean "Crossroads", the Larping place i was asking if i should go to.. they have a spot like this, and i remember it vividly as a place i totally felt at peace in..
the other aspect of the card is the halo/bright light around the angel's head.. meeting my "spirit guide" garnered an image of "GBL", my "glowy ball of light".. it refuses to let me know "why me", but i've just accepted it as my symbol into the spiritual world.. It's looking out for me, but it's temporary till its done with me and i move on to the next one..
the last aspect of the card was the angel with the fiddle.... i always used to call my ex "angel".. and she had a pentient, after we broke up, to learn the fiddle.. (and i hear she's doing awesome at it)
the angel with the fiddle clinched it.. the 13s were a sign that i needed to go down there.. she was calling to me.. if for no other reason than just to say "hi", maybe give her a hug, and let her know that "i'm still there for her".. but the angel with the fiddle was a definate sign to me that i had to be there.. i booked a flight that day.
as it turns out.. when all this was going down in my mind (say, late april), she had this rabid desire to talk to me.. no phone call, not by text, face to face..
she called and i heard it.. just like when we would text each other @ the exact same moment when we were together; just like when i would think of her and she would shudder, knowing it was me.. we have a connection, her and i.. something that ascends mere labels... this weekend, and the *fact* that i came when she called, clinched it for me.
we're connected. and i need no other proof of it. whatever she needs of me, she's got it: regardless of our status as a couple or not..
i still see us growing old together.. and in that vision, i look to my right, and she's *with* me, her hand in mine.. and smiling that world-stopping smile of hers..
that hasn't changed since we broke up, and the image is just as strong as it was 7 months ago.. but just like 7 months ago, i know in my heart "she needs to do something, and i can't be a part of it".. so all i can be is supportive..
i also know in my heart she knows that..
that's my story. This event has bolstered my faith in her, and in my spirituality.. what it means to "us".. whatever we will be, it will be strong.
But insofar as my faith, gentle readers: its reinforced this... trust your gut, because it truly will lead you where you need to go. The signs will just reinforce it, like they have with me.. your gut and your heart are one..
Monday, May 9, 2011
Advice and the Art of Saving the World
I'm the go-to guy..
The "rock solid"..
The "voice of reason"
I have never shyed away from giving advice. I have an opinion on a lot of things, done a lot of stuff, but i'm not vocal about it (barring something that is *really* pissing me off..) What i've always found odd is how many are drawn to me to get it.
Lemmie 'splain..
Some of my fondest, deepest, most cherished friends will have issues.. need advice.. sometimes a (verbal) kick in the ass. It go's without saying that these people would approach me: they're my friends.. and that's what you do when you are a friend.. you invest yourself in an empatetic, sympathetic manor to get them through whatever ails them, be it brutally honest opinion, white lies, a kind word, or a smack upside the head.
In my case, it's also strangers.. passing acquaintances, people i barely know, who open themselves up to me.. intimate details about their relationships, advise regarding their career, *sexual issues* (NB: it's the little, awkward moments in your life that truly bring you joy.. ~cherish these~)
I don't know exactly why people come to me.. Maybe there's something about me that causes them to gravitate my way.. Maybe i'm simply the closest warm body who'll listen; maybe i'm the "divested stranger" they need: an untainted view because i don't know the actors in the play..
I like to think it's all of these.. mostly, it's my *EGO* that likes to think it's all of these, because of the simple fact that out of everyone, these people chose 'me' to open up to.. there's a lot of humble-nobility and satisfaction in this little ego trip.. because, for the most part, people are doing it because they have taken a chance in confide their trust to you.. Sometimes i would text my ex (a therapist) during work hours, simply asking her "whatcha doing hun? saving the world?" she'd almost without fail reply: "absolutely :-)", fully understanding how close to the truth this actually was..
The thing is, people have given you their trust, and you have an obligation to honor and respect that trust, no mater how familiar, distal, or awkward it can be in the asking (or the answering)... but the key to honoring it is that advice isn't necessarily about the advice, or expert opinion, or expertise: it's about listening.. And in the listening is sometimes all it requires to actually save someone's world...
Its a calling, i think.. i'm good at it, i embrace it, and i truly relish in being "that guy".. especially when it comes to simply "being there" for those who need it.. mostly friends, family and loved one's, but anyone's welcome really.. still don't know why they gravitate to me, but whatever the reason pales in comparison to what i can give them for doing it..
So, hats off to you therapists, advisors, and go-to people..
my kin...
Love and respect.
lua
The "rock solid"..
The "voice of reason"
I have never shyed away from giving advice. I have an opinion on a lot of things, done a lot of stuff, but i'm not vocal about it (barring something that is *really* pissing me off..) What i've always found odd is how many are drawn to me to get it.
Lemmie 'splain..
Some of my fondest, deepest, most cherished friends will have issues.. need advice.. sometimes a (verbal) kick in the ass. It go's without saying that these people would approach me: they're my friends.. and that's what you do when you are a friend.. you invest yourself in an empatetic, sympathetic manor to get them through whatever ails them, be it brutally honest opinion, white lies, a kind word, or a smack upside the head.
In my case, it's also strangers.. passing acquaintances, people i barely know, who open themselves up to me.. intimate details about their relationships, advise regarding their career, *sexual issues* (NB: it's the little, awkward moments in your life that truly bring you joy.. ~cherish these~)
I don't know exactly why people come to me.. Maybe there's something about me that causes them to gravitate my way.. Maybe i'm simply the closest warm body who'll listen; maybe i'm the "divested stranger" they need: an untainted view because i don't know the actors in the play..
I like to think it's all of these.. mostly, it's my *EGO* that likes to think it's all of these, because of the simple fact that out of everyone, these people chose 'me' to open up to.. there's a lot of humble-nobility and satisfaction in this little ego trip.. because, for the most part, people are doing it because they have taken a chance in confide their trust to you.. Sometimes i would text my ex (a therapist) during work hours, simply asking her "whatcha doing hun? saving the world?" she'd almost without fail reply: "absolutely :-)", fully understanding how close to the truth this actually was..
The thing is, people have given you their trust, and you have an obligation to honor and respect that trust, no mater how familiar, distal, or awkward it can be in the asking (or the answering)... but the key to honoring it is that advice isn't necessarily about the advice, or expert opinion, or expertise: it's about listening.. And in the listening is sometimes all it requires to actually save someone's world...
Its a calling, i think.. i'm good at it, i embrace it, and i truly relish in being "that guy".. especially when it comes to simply "being there" for those who need it.. mostly friends, family and loved one's, but anyone's welcome really.. still don't know why they gravitate to me, but whatever the reason pales in comparison to what i can give them for doing it..
So, hats off to you therapists, advisors, and go-to people..
my kin...
Love and respect.
lua
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Biting Off More Than You Can Chew
Starting up a new business can be scary.. Moreso when you're 40 and deeply entrenched in your current occupation..
but sometimes there are those "signs", and you just have to follow your gut, no matter how stupid-crazy things get..
A friend of mine was having trouble at work.. boss is an ass, and he's got it in his head to get rid of her.. She needs the job, so sticks with it, even though it means hating coming to work every day and submitting to his idocy..
Some wine, some talking, some crying later, she's on the road to finding something else.. quite frankly *anything* else.. She gets her heart set on one company and gos after them like a rabid barracuda: She's reading up on the industry, following the Annual reports of this company, she's talking to their HR VP's.. She even, with a post-apocolyptic style head cold, meets with them *on her vacation in another province* @ their head office, to facilitate meeting with the decision makers..
The interviews go ok, she follows up, follows up, then nothing. *poof*... in fact, the nice HR lady makes it a point to say something to the effect of "Why are you calling, we're still interviewing" (after being 2 days over her *own* deadline of a promised phonecall to let her know the status)
So needless to say, a bottle of wine later, & we're talking about whats next for her.. "who else have you applied for", etc.. she's got some irons in the fire, but they're mostly with companies doing what she's doing now.. not ideal, but at least it gets her away from this "situation"..
I remind her that this is a great opportunity to start looking at being her own boss.. and she kind of grins.. "yeah, i had this one idea.. made up a business plan, did a lot of research.. it's a good idea, but we just can't afford to do it right now.."
So i ask her to tell me about it.. its a good plan, and a good business.. something that shocks you immediately at first, but once you start looking into what it is that the company would be doing, you think "hmm.." it's called Medical Tourism: the idea where you combine a vacation with misc surgery and recovery time.. Why spend $10K on a boob job in North America, when you can spend $8K and get the same boob job, by a qualified surgeon & recover in paradise..? or $5K vs $15 for Liberation treatment.. you get the idea..
My initial thought was "wtf? no *way* would i head south to get something done: i would prefer to do it here & have the comfort of being home through it"..
but then it got interesting.. the surgeons for DDS, Liberation, IVF, Plastic Surgery, all of it are all accredited in Great Briton or North America.. the facilities they use are World class... and they have resorts who specialize with recovery with on-site nursing and medical staff... they just happen to be in "foreign countries", plying their trade...
Knowing her, i know she's researched the hell out of this.. the business plan is solid, and startup is minimal.. *bink*..
(thats what the sound in my head sounds like when something twiggs..)
"what do you need?" i ask..
She tells me, and the next thing i know, its a month later, and Gateway Health International Inc. is born, registered, and on it's way to "becoming"... she's the brains, i'm the pretty face helping her with what she needs..
I still have my job & she's got hers (she *did* find a new one btw). We're both working hard & there's a ton more to do..
its funny though, how something can be thought of as "why we can't" turned into "Why can't we".... a closed door (denial of the job she wanted desprately) turned into an opportunity elsewhere..
We've bit off more than we can chew, and we're loving it
:O)
Many thanks to Norm, her husband, for being patient through this, and my "Angel" for all she's done..
You're with us now, and you'll be there when we're rich and famous! :O)
but sometimes there are those "signs", and you just have to follow your gut, no matter how stupid-crazy things get..
A friend of mine was having trouble at work.. boss is an ass, and he's got it in his head to get rid of her.. She needs the job, so sticks with it, even though it means hating coming to work every day and submitting to his idocy..
Some wine, some talking, some crying later, she's on the road to finding something else.. quite frankly *anything* else.. She gets her heart set on one company and gos after them like a rabid barracuda: She's reading up on the industry, following the Annual reports of this company, she's talking to their HR VP's.. She even, with a post-apocolyptic style head cold, meets with them *on her vacation in another province* @ their head office, to facilitate meeting with the decision makers..
The interviews go ok, she follows up, follows up, then nothing. *poof*... in fact, the nice HR lady makes it a point to say something to the effect of "Why are you calling, we're still interviewing" (after being 2 days over her *own* deadline of a promised phonecall to let her know the status)
So needless to say, a bottle of wine later, & we're talking about whats next for her.. "who else have you applied for", etc.. she's got some irons in the fire, but they're mostly with companies doing what she's doing now.. not ideal, but at least it gets her away from this "situation"..
I remind her that this is a great opportunity to start looking at being her own boss.. and she kind of grins.. "yeah, i had this one idea.. made up a business plan, did a lot of research.. it's a good idea, but we just can't afford to do it right now.."
So i ask her to tell me about it.. its a good plan, and a good business.. something that shocks you immediately at first, but once you start looking into what it is that the company would be doing, you think "hmm.." it's called Medical Tourism: the idea where you combine a vacation with misc surgery and recovery time.. Why spend $10K on a boob job in North America, when you can spend $8K and get the same boob job, by a qualified surgeon & recover in paradise..? or $5K vs $15 for Liberation treatment.. you get the idea..
My initial thought was "wtf? no *way* would i head south to get something done: i would prefer to do it here & have the comfort of being home through it"..
but then it got interesting.. the surgeons for DDS, Liberation, IVF, Plastic Surgery, all of it are all accredited in Great Briton or North America.. the facilities they use are World class... and they have resorts who specialize with recovery with on-site nursing and medical staff... they just happen to be in "foreign countries", plying their trade...
Knowing her, i know she's researched the hell out of this.. the business plan is solid, and startup is minimal.. *bink*..
(thats what the sound in my head sounds like when something twiggs..)
"what do you need?" i ask..
She tells me, and the next thing i know, its a month later, and Gateway Health International Inc. is born, registered, and on it's way to "becoming"... she's the brains, i'm the pretty face helping her with what she needs..
I still have my job & she's got hers (she *did* find a new one btw). We're both working hard & there's a ton more to do..
its funny though, how something can be thought of as "why we can't" turned into "Why can't we".... a closed door (denial of the job she wanted desprately) turned into an opportunity elsewhere..
We've bit off more than we can chew, and we're loving it
:O)
Many thanks to Norm, her husband, for being patient through this, and my "Angel" for all she's done..
You're with us now, and you'll be there when we're rich and famous! :O)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
the long, long road to me
Welp.. ok..
(apologies in advance.. this is my brain gushing out my journey for what i've done to get to "the place i'm in right now", so it's a long one..)
So throughout my current crisis, i've done a lot of things..
i've sucked it up
i've broken down
i've grasped at straws
i've discovered strength in myself
i've discovered strength from others
i've discovered strength from giving to others
i've noticed "signs"
i've embraced my spirituality
i've been busy..
but there comes a time in everyone's lives where they need to ask for help.. as a man, it's tough.. we're supposed to be the rock.. we're supposed to be stability personified.. we're not supposed to cry, or ask doctors about ED, or whine about our little toe hurting.. or embrace anything that is outside "conventional thinking", religiously or psychologically..
but hells yeah.. there are times when being a man means more about understanding when you do need help and asking for it.. its also about understanding that it doesn't make you weak to seek it... its a recognition that "hey, i don't know everything".. because no one does..
except maybe Buckaroo Banzi, but that's another blog..
so at this deep, dark time in my life, i did.. and what do you know.. it helped.. so here's my story.. maybe it'll encourage you to trust in yourself..
Amanda, (my ex, my soul mate, my "buttercup") at one point in our relationship introduced me to Angel cards.. basically: think Tarot cards, but using encouragement and positivity to get a message through to you from "the powers that be".. (she introduced me to more than that, and really did start me on my path to embracing all forms of spirituality.. its part of the reason i know we'll always, *always* at a minimum, be friends, & why i'll always *always* love/be in love with her... there's a connection there that just hasn't died, even with our break up.. she's my passion, and i'm her rock.. yin/yang..i'm ranting, but i love the girl: what can i say?)
anyhoo.. the idea is that you ask a question, and these cards are a conduit for the spirits/angels who are looking after you to answer it.. they answered a lot of questions for me.. but being "a man" and "sane", i had to ask if it was simply me hearing what i wanted to hear, or if it was real, or if i'd just plane jumped into the deep end of koo-koo land..
so turn to mid October, 2010: i'm at a conference in vancouver with my team, and i am just plain gone.. everyone is asking my boss "whats wrong with dale?".. its noticed, i'm not myself, i'm not enjoying anything, and all i'm doing is spiraling into a pit of self doubt and for the first time in a long time not really caring about anything else other than how miserable i was.. ("who does depression hurt? *everyone*.. blah.). i talk to my boss: he gets it and basically says: it's up to you, but you should go on short term disability and deal with it.. because really, it was "that bad".. i wasn't myself. for good reason i think.. its tough to truly "understand" someone, and watch them take a path you know they need to take, even though it basically destroys you to have to sit on the bench and watch...
but here's the thing.. i *understand* her.. and i *understand* why things have played out the way they have needed to.. but i had absolutely no clue how to deal with it or what was going to come out of it.
so, not having any clue, i asked my questions, and read my angel cards.. they told me lots of good things, and gave me answers i needed to hear, but i was *really* concerned it was simply me reading into them what i wanted to see.. so i did 2 things.. i asked for guidance (via the cards).. i flipped over 3 cards and one that struck me was "expect a miricle".. mkayy... the other thing i did was ask some friends for recommendations.. i know a few people that go to psychics; tea leaf readers, mediums, etc.. i needed their guidance *mostly* because i was truly afraid of seeing some crackpot scam artist, and not getting what i needed to get from them..
so i do some searching on the net for angel card readings.. i'm truly afraid i'm just reading into my readings on myself "what i want to hear", so i'm thinking "lets talk to someone who does it regularly and ask em some questions".. . i come across a website that has a bunch of different practitioners.. & i'm thinking "looks ok.. lots of variety, should be someone there that can help me".. they have one webpage which is an angel card 'message for the month'.. http://www.ourangelscenter.com/Angel-Messages.html. the card is "Miracles".. i booked immediately.. signs... "you should see Rosanna" they said.. i'm glad i did..
I also got a recommendation from a friend.. "see this person" she said.. no hesitation. no doubt. (later, i would ask her about how she came to trust Donna, and she said "in a reading, she described someone who was dead, perfectly.. there's no way she could have known, without some sort of 'ability'" she says.. good enough for me, i'm thinking..) Donna kiss; a medium and psychic/intitive: she talks to dead people, they talk back.. http://www.donnakiss.com/ she's amazing, she's funny.. and she's been doing it for over 20 years..
so i book 2 appointments & they end up being on the same day.. October 26, 2010. changed my life.
they told me all sorts of things.. they told me things about me and where they felt i was going.. they dug into my past & told me some specific things: enough to truly say "ok, there's something to this"..
i won't go into detail.. i can't.. it was for me, and i feel a test of my faith in it requires i see where it takes me.. i *will* say that they did confirm a lot of how i felt. they parroted what i was already feeling. and whats more, the 2 of them, seprately, basically said *exactly the same things*.. and 5 months later (2 days from now), a significant amount of what they "felt" has come to pass.. cheers girls! and thank you..
but i will say this: 2011 is going to be epic.. & even though she's going through her own stuff right now, & she's got a lot on her plate, Amanda's going to play a big part in it.. how she helps me in my life, and how i help her in hers... and that makes me confident.. in my future and in just plain in myself.. because one thing i will say i got from the readings is that "she ain't dead".. she's going to be around, and we are always going to be a strong, solid part of each others lives...
and without a doubt, between the 2 of us, there's *nothing* life can throw at us that we can't handle together.. be it as a couple, or as the friends we'll always be.
so, gentle readers: there's something to this. i know there's charlatans out there, but they're offset by your gut. Trust in yourself, and truly believe that everything happens for a reason.. your own intuition *can* be confirmed if you ever have doubts about it... i know, because i went through it.
believe in whatever you like, but over all, believe in yourself & those who truly love you.
(apologies in advance.. this is my brain gushing out my journey for what i've done to get to "the place i'm in right now", so it's a long one..)
So throughout my current crisis, i've done a lot of things..
i've sucked it up
i've broken down
i've grasped at straws
i've discovered strength in myself
i've discovered strength from others
i've discovered strength from giving to others
i've noticed "signs"
i've embraced my spirituality
i've been busy..
but there comes a time in everyone's lives where they need to ask for help.. as a man, it's tough.. we're supposed to be the rock.. we're supposed to be stability personified.. we're not supposed to cry, or ask doctors about ED, or whine about our little toe hurting.. or embrace anything that is outside "conventional thinking", religiously or psychologically..
but hells yeah.. there are times when being a man means more about understanding when you do need help and asking for it.. its also about understanding that it doesn't make you weak to seek it... its a recognition that "hey, i don't know everything".. because no one does..
except maybe Buckaroo Banzi, but that's another blog..
so at this deep, dark time in my life, i did.. and what do you know.. it helped.. so here's my story.. maybe it'll encourage you to trust in yourself..
Amanda, (my ex, my soul mate, my "buttercup") at one point in our relationship introduced me to Angel cards.. basically: think Tarot cards, but using encouragement and positivity to get a message through to you from "the powers that be".. (she introduced me to more than that, and really did start me on my path to embracing all forms of spirituality.. its part of the reason i know we'll always, *always* at a minimum, be friends, & why i'll always *always* love/be in love with her... there's a connection there that just hasn't died, even with our break up.. she's my passion, and i'm her rock.. yin/yang..i'm ranting, but i love the girl: what can i say?)
anyhoo.. the idea is that you ask a question, and these cards are a conduit for the spirits/angels who are looking after you to answer it.. they answered a lot of questions for me.. but being "a man" and "sane", i had to ask if it was simply me hearing what i wanted to hear, or if it was real, or if i'd just plane jumped into the deep end of koo-koo land..
so turn to mid October, 2010: i'm at a conference in vancouver with my team, and i am just plain gone.. everyone is asking my boss "whats wrong with dale?".. its noticed, i'm not myself, i'm not enjoying anything, and all i'm doing is spiraling into a pit of self doubt and for the first time in a long time not really caring about anything else other than how miserable i was.. ("who does depression hurt? *everyone*.. blah.). i talk to my boss: he gets it and basically says: it's up to you, but you should go on short term disability and deal with it.. because really, it was "that bad".. i wasn't myself. for good reason i think.. its tough to truly "understand" someone, and watch them take a path you know they need to take, even though it basically destroys you to have to sit on the bench and watch...
but here's the thing.. i *understand* her.. and i *understand* why things have played out the way they have needed to.. but i had absolutely no clue how to deal with it or what was going to come out of it.
so, not having any clue, i asked my questions, and read my angel cards.. they told me lots of good things, and gave me answers i needed to hear, but i was *really* concerned it was simply me reading into them what i wanted to see.. so i did 2 things.. i asked for guidance (via the cards).. i flipped over 3 cards and one that struck me was "expect a miricle".. mkayy... the other thing i did was ask some friends for recommendations.. i know a few people that go to psychics; tea leaf readers, mediums, etc.. i needed their guidance *mostly* because i was truly afraid of seeing some crackpot scam artist, and not getting what i needed to get from them..
so i do some searching on the net for angel card readings.. i'm truly afraid i'm just reading into my readings on myself "what i want to hear", so i'm thinking "lets talk to someone who does it regularly and ask em some questions".. . i come across a website that has a bunch of different practitioners.. & i'm thinking "looks ok.. lots of variety, should be someone there that can help me".. they have one webpage which is an angel card 'message for the month'.. http://www.ourangelscenter.com/Angel-Messages.html. the card is "Miracles".. i booked immediately.. signs... "you should see Rosanna" they said.. i'm glad i did..
I also got a recommendation from a friend.. "see this person" she said.. no hesitation. no doubt. (later, i would ask her about how she came to trust Donna, and she said "in a reading, she described someone who was dead, perfectly.. there's no way she could have known, without some sort of 'ability'" she says.. good enough for me, i'm thinking..) Donna kiss; a medium and psychic/intitive: she talks to dead people, they talk back.. http://www.donnakiss.com/ she's amazing, she's funny.. and she's been doing it for over 20 years..
so i book 2 appointments & they end up being on the same day.. October 26, 2010. changed my life.
they told me all sorts of things.. they told me things about me and where they felt i was going.. they dug into my past & told me some specific things: enough to truly say "ok, there's something to this"..
i won't go into detail.. i can't.. it was for me, and i feel a test of my faith in it requires i see where it takes me.. i *will* say that they did confirm a lot of how i felt. they parroted what i was already feeling. and whats more, the 2 of them, seprately, basically said *exactly the same things*.. and 5 months later (2 days from now), a significant amount of what they "felt" has come to pass.. cheers girls! and thank you..
but i will say this: 2011 is going to be epic.. & even though she's going through her own stuff right now, & she's got a lot on her plate, Amanda's going to play a big part in it.. how she helps me in my life, and how i help her in hers... and that makes me confident.. in my future and in just plain in myself.. because one thing i will say i got from the readings is that "she ain't dead".. she's going to be around, and we are always going to be a strong, solid part of each others lives...
and without a doubt, between the 2 of us, there's *nothing* life can throw at us that we can't handle together.. be it as a couple, or as the friends we'll always be.
so, gentle readers: there's something to this. i know there's charlatans out there, but they're offset by your gut. Trust in yourself, and truly believe that everything happens for a reason.. your own intuition *can* be confirmed if you ever have doubts about it... i know, because i went through it.
believe in whatever you like, but over all, believe in yourself & those who truly love you.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Signs and Trusting them
I think everybody's done it..
That nagging voice, or the gut feeling: "should I" or "shouldn't I"
There's always a choice in doing something, or not. Is it a knee jerk reaction stopping you from doing "X"? is it your brain thinking you out of it? is it your gut saying "Give 'er"?
The one who always dives in is consdiered "reckless".. the one always saying no: spineless.. is it a label that keeps you from doing what you want?
Some sage advice i've gotten over the past few months began as a small "crackpot" seed planted in my brain has germinated into something i'm now wishing i'd done earlier in life.. if you don't know the answer, "ask"..
the "crackpot" part of this is based on the idea that something out there is watching over us.. what ever it is (or whatever *they* is..) truly wants us to be ultimately happy and safe.. i say ultimately, because there's sometimes a whole lot of misery one must endure to truly appreciate the happiness you're entitled to..
so here's the thing.. "Ask".. then watch for signs..
if you're not sure about a situation, or what to do, a "normal" methodology is to bounce an idea off of someone you trust, right?
so who better to trust, than someone who's looking out for you? If you "Ask", out loud, in your head, *however* you decide to do it, they'll get the opportunity to tell you..
then watch for signs.. a song on the radio that catches your ear.. a bilboard that catches your eye... your gut reaction to actually hearing the question out loud.. the form of the answer you need will be specific to you, and you'll resonate with it.. just be open to looking for it, and *trusting* the sign.. even if it makes your heart heavy to do so.. because remember, its your ULTIMATE happiness that they're looking to give you (which may mean not being happy "right now")
so take a chance.. have some faith.. or at worst, give it a shot sometime when you're just plain really not sure about something.. Ask, watch for signs, then trust..
oh, and as far as that "crackpottery" go's.. some would call it angels.. some would call it god, or allah.. or pick your diety.. call it whatever makes you comforatable,
because it also could be just "you"...
That nagging voice, or the gut feeling: "should I" or "shouldn't I"
There's always a choice in doing something, or not. Is it a knee jerk reaction stopping you from doing "X"? is it your brain thinking you out of it? is it your gut saying "Give 'er"?
The one who always dives in is consdiered "reckless".. the one always saying no: spineless.. is it a label that keeps you from doing what you want?
Some sage advice i've gotten over the past few months began as a small "crackpot" seed planted in my brain has germinated into something i'm now wishing i'd done earlier in life.. if you don't know the answer, "ask"..
the "crackpot" part of this is based on the idea that something out there is watching over us.. what ever it is (or whatever *they* is..) truly wants us to be ultimately happy and safe.. i say ultimately, because there's sometimes a whole lot of misery one must endure to truly appreciate the happiness you're entitled to..
so here's the thing.. "Ask".. then watch for signs..
if you're not sure about a situation, or what to do, a "normal" methodology is to bounce an idea off of someone you trust, right?
so who better to trust, than someone who's looking out for you? If you "Ask", out loud, in your head, *however* you decide to do it, they'll get the opportunity to tell you..
then watch for signs.. a song on the radio that catches your ear.. a bilboard that catches your eye... your gut reaction to actually hearing the question out loud.. the form of the answer you need will be specific to you, and you'll resonate with it.. just be open to looking for it, and *trusting* the sign.. even if it makes your heart heavy to do so.. because remember, its your ULTIMATE happiness that they're looking to give you (which may mean not being happy "right now")
so take a chance.. have some faith.. or at worst, give it a shot sometime when you're just plain really not sure about something.. Ask, watch for signs, then trust..
oh, and as far as that "crackpottery" go's.. some would call it angels.. some would call it god, or allah.. or pick your diety.. call it whatever makes you comforatable,
because it also could be just "you"...
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's day
(originally i wrote this in a note in Facebook.. but it got me in the mood to start up my blogging, so i figured it was only fit that i replicate it here... I know i wrote it because i couldn't be with the one i want to be with on this day, in the hopes she reads it and knows i'm still thinking of her.. a sneaky way of allowing me to give her a valantine without actually giving her one.. heh.. but it is also something i believe to be true.. so read! as always, i welcome feedback..)
oddly enough, for as much of a fool for love and romance as i am, i don't celebrate Valentine's day..
i *understand* it.. i get it.. and i recognize it.. but i've always felt picking just one particular day to show you someone you love em just wasn't quite right.. and never really "enough".. i'd rather tell someone i love em every day.. do something special for them on a consistantly irregular basis (keep em on their toes!), to show that you care, you're just thinking of them, and they're worth making an effort for.. and hell, that you're just plain happy they're a part of your life!
not that doing something special for your Hunny Feb 14th should be SHUNNED.. i just don't think it should be an acceptable excuse for *not* doing little things for the one you love over the course of the rest of the year.. Love is a partnership of mutual respect, passion and true caring for that special someone who shares your space and time.
so rather than just let the day pass, i invested some time and came across this:
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/st-valentine-beheaded
one theory of how valentine's day started.. in a nutshell: an unfair decree in the pax romana is passed (no marriages or engagments), Priest defies "the man", marrying people in secret, and gets beheaded for it.
Pretty unsavory when you mash it down into it's basic parts.
but the devil's in the details..
- the priest defied tyranny to allow true love to flourish, even in the face of possible (and in his case, eventual) death..
- a note left for his jailor's daughter, of thanks for her companionship (and possible love), found in his cell on the day of his execution
so if you take anything from my ramblings, take this executive summary.. this priest died for the service of love, and so in honor of his noble intentions, on this day, tell the one you love "you love them" today, by prose, writ, or word..
and keep remembering them for the other 364 days that come.
so on that note: :O)
-=-=-=-=-=-
Flowers bloom and wither, pictures fade, "unforgettable" events come and go..
memories become convoluted over time; details of where and what, faltering..
except for those truly special times, burned forrever in the mind..
never failing.. never forgotten.. always as vivid and bright as if only yesterday..
every day i spend with you
-=-=-=-=-=-
a wise man once said "of all the emotions i could choose, I choose love"
abso-lootly.. :O)
Happy valentines day!
"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
A New Beginning to an Old Friend
My life's gone through some troubly-bits.. some of my own doing, others not.. who hasn't?
(and who's lying..) ;O)
After this latest bout of seemingly unsurmountable devestation, i was advised by someone I trust to start writing down my feelings.. and to start putting to pen things that come to my head..
"These thoughts are going to help someone else someday, but it's up to you to either seize this part of your lifepath, or to do nothing.."
Welp.. the lazy in me said: sounds like a lot of work..
But there's something in me that wants to "help".. i put help in quotes for a reason.. what i say here may be gospel.. may be utter BS.. it'll be up to the reader to decide.
But i can't deny my gift. To "listen" to someone is something my soulmate once told me i had a gift for.. "you're my rock" she said.. She wasn't the first.. but coming from her made it believable.. and utterly desireable.
I embraced it, for as much as I am her rock, she is my passion.. She inspires me to dream and to follow those dreams, and I in turn, ground her so she can make her dreams real.. I hope to continue to do so, even though she isn't currently mine. And i hope i will get the opportunity to say this to her face to face.
in fact: i know i will.. because i believe in us. Whatever path "US" takes us on..
Until then, "I miss you Angel.. I love you, and I thank you"
Writing is something i've always had a gift for. I used to do it often, hence the title..
My words may not be elequent (or spelled correctly) but the thoughts behind them will resonate for some of you.. if you've found this page, then you're searching for something.
Ask, and you may find an answer..
Read, and you may find courage to Ask..
Search, and you will find cause to Read
and use what you find to answer your own questions...
Do nothing, and you'll reap that reward as well.
Step 1: get off your ass.
thanks for reading!
(and who's lying..) ;O)
After this latest bout of seemingly unsurmountable devestation, i was advised by someone I trust to start writing down my feelings.. and to start putting to pen things that come to my head..
"These thoughts are going to help someone else someday, but it's up to you to either seize this part of your lifepath, or to do nothing.."
Welp.. the lazy in me said: sounds like a lot of work..
But there's something in me that wants to "help".. i put help in quotes for a reason.. what i say here may be gospel.. may be utter BS.. it'll be up to the reader to decide.
But i can't deny my gift. To "listen" to someone is something my soulmate once told me i had a gift for.. "you're my rock" she said.. She wasn't the first.. but coming from her made it believable.. and utterly desireable.
I embraced it, for as much as I am her rock, she is my passion.. She inspires me to dream and to follow those dreams, and I in turn, ground her so she can make her dreams real.. I hope to continue to do so, even though she isn't currently mine. And i hope i will get the opportunity to say this to her face to face.
in fact: i know i will.. because i believe in us. Whatever path "US" takes us on..
Until then, "I miss you Angel.. I love you, and I thank you"
Writing is something i've always had a gift for. I used to do it often, hence the title..
My words may not be elequent (or spelled correctly) but the thoughts behind them will resonate for some of you.. if you've found this page, then you're searching for something.
Ask, and you may find an answer..
Read, and you may find courage to Ask..
Search, and you will find cause to Read
and use what you find to answer your own questions...
Do nothing, and you'll reap that reward as well.
Step 1: get off your ass.
thanks for reading!
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