today i slept in.. i always sleep in when i'm dreaming..
i don't *remember* the dream, but i do remember what came after..
i've always felt i had an issue with meditation: not being in the right mind state to just let it happen. which troubles me, because getting into a calm state really helps with accepting whatever messages come in.. lets start from scratch:
- i spent some time with Donna kiss, in april: a session to meet my spirit guide. all i got out of the session was a glowy ball of light, over a lake, some sparkles off the water. in this session, we were supposed to be able to ask them "who they are" and if they had any messages for me.. the answer i got was "you don't need to know", and "nope, no messages right now".. a little disappointing, but when talking to Donna about it, she said that was ok, and asked me what color(s) the ball were.. i said "white, with a tinge of blue".. she said it was a very powerful spirit, who was on the verge of crossing over.. scary, but i took this to mean my GBL (glowy ball of light) didnt want to give up too much because "he was helping", but he was going to be handing things off soon. Donna also said she saw another female image in my "scene".. (Amanda was in the scene i came up with..)
- i tried a guided meditation with Rosanna in April, same scene, same answers/result. it made me wonder if i was doing things right. still wasn't able to quiet my mind enough for it to feel "right"..
- i've been getting a lot of 13's and 113's this is supposed to be a sign that "whatever i'm thinking about, the ascended masters (we're talking Jesus, Mary M, Bhuda, past Lama's) are looking out for me & taking care of things.. "don't worry".. i'm almost always thinking of Amanda when a combination of these numbers show up. i've also been pulling the soulmate, & release and surrender cards lately: release & surrender means i need to stop worrying & give my fears to the Angels, because it's out of my hands: they're taking care of me..
- today i woke up to the Ipad (which somehow was on) playing Rosanna & i's first session, & it was back at the spot where she was doing this guided meditation in April.. so i just kept my eyes shut, 1/2 listened to the tape, but went back to the scene and asked again.. this time i got a name, a color, more sparkles on the water, and a message.
the name i got started with an A... it stuttered a bit, almost as if it was "me" who couldn't decide on which A name it was.. i finally got "Arial", but then got the feeling "no, Azreal".. The message i got was "don't worry", and the color i got (i asked in my mind what color was associated with him, expecting the blue that i got from my initial "meet & greet", but this time i got "yellow.. orange.. golden".. not seeing the colors, but hearing them..
so i said: "thank you, and thank you for keeping me on the path (both with amanda, and with keeping me on "my" path).
i got up and went to the archangel deck, because i was *really* curious to see if i'd finally cracked or not.. found one card related to him: comfort.. a word i've been using to confirm intuitive decisions, readings, etc.. (ie if i do a reading for someone, if it felt comforatable, then "i was doing it right"..) interesting..
immediately needed to pull some cards... shuffle them up, and the card reading was: Divine timing, Soulmate, Release and Surrender. holy shit.
looked up Azreal on the internet: he is the Archangel of Death (WHOA, says i.. but in this case Death means "Transitions".. and comforting those who pass on. one site says associated colors for Azreal are Silver and black, but another (which more depicts him as the archangel of transitions) has his colors as pale yellow, creamy vanilla, or eggshell. compassion and wisdom are some key words..
at this point i'm thinking "Giggity", 'cause it's kinda "me" too.
here's some background that kinda shook me a bit though.. " he has many names (ismael, Azrail, Izrail, etc) Azreal means "whom god helps", he's a twin flame of Jesus, and guiding influence & consort to mary Magdalene. 'Many doorways are open to you now. it is for you to choose which ones you wish to step through. You have had confirmation in many shapes and forms as these weeks and months have progressed. You have faith, more confidence in yourself, and more trust in your ability to make those decisions that are wise and appropriate for you now. So it is for you to make your choice about which door or doors you wish to step through. There is a wide vista of opportunitis spreading out before you, and only you will know the right direction to take. But you *will* know, for you will feel it within your heart; you will feel it within your soul; you will feel it within every fiber of your being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.
go with strength, go with confidence, and go with joy and our love. We are Azrael and Magdalena. (www.innerlightworkers.co.uk)
so.. wow..
all of this.. all of the crazyness, the un mistakable beliefe, the things ive done and started to believe in have all been about transitioning into something better.. chrysalis to butterfly? so it makes sense that an angel thike Azreal would be helping me out.. i guess the real troubling part is that i know who its with. not a doubt in my mind. but its still tough to give it completely over to them, even though it should be easier..
when you believe in something so much, its hard to wait. but it ain't about me. i'm ready, she's not.. and therin lies the key to divine timing.
but i got some big guns rooting for us.. :O)
lya
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