Its been a while.. nothing really earth shattering has happened around here..
The job is still good, and they're increasing my territory.. they're now working on giving me a staff to eliminate a butt-load of travel that i'd have to do to maintain it.. i'm torn a bit, because its something i know i can do, but i take a lot of joy in "helping people" with their computers, not just fixing computers.. Amanda says "i'll always be doing what i love doing, no matter what that is"..
(which is a big part of the reason i'll always love that girl..)
My last visit to Pennsylvania i Booked a session with Maggie Salter: she's an intuitive and a friend of Amanda's. It was a good session: confirmed for me a lot i already knew, but needed to hear from someone else that "i'm not crazy" for following the path im on, & gave me some thoughts & ideas on what i really needed to do to keep myself centered and focused on my desires.. One word that struck me at this session was "intent"..
My entire life, i've done things with others best interests at heart, sacrificing my own desires for "the greater good".. this isn't necessarily a bad thing to me: i've always felt strong enough to withstand the resulting pain (if any), i've cultivated a strong sense of integrity, and its given me the fortitude to be "a rock" for those who needed it.. part of me says i've done this because the pull towards my desires in these cases was never strong enough to overwhelm the thoughts in my head that it was better not to pursue them. Maybe it was a lack of attachment to these desires.. maybe it was "the universe" telling me it wasn't meant to be, & it was in my best interest to step away..
The thing is, while i did these things, i knew in my head what i was doing, but looking into it from outside, it would seem like i was simply retreating, or giving up, or basically had no desire at all..
Or in English: the intent of my actions was never clear.
I realize that when you do something, its not always important for others to know why you're taking these actions.. Because if you *need* others to know, its basically just an ego stroke.. "hey lookit what i'm doing! i'm sacrificing for YOU! love me!" When the Ego gets involved, the intent of your actions can become a weapon, dealing pain, guilt and manipulation.
however.. there's also times when your intent really and truly needs to be known: especially when it comes to someone you love. Its tricky..
- my mom wants me to call her more often, mostly because I haven't. My Rationale for doing so has been to allow her time to do what she wants to do without being in the way.. my Intent is simply to allow her to "be" and enjoy time alone with Don, but not making this clear has hurt her because it seems like I've withdrawn from the family..
- in contrast, I spend time with Amanda's parents and call them monthly. My Intent is to keep in touch and enjoy their company when i can: they're great people.. but given the breakup with Amanda, it could also be seen as an attempt to continue contact "through the back door"
- i dont call Amanda as often as I want to... I feel it causes conflict in her new relationship, so my intent is to not provoke the instability i feel it would bring.. but she could see it as me simply not caring
Like a Sword of Truth, the intention of your actions determine the strength of the magic they will bring.. be clear in your intent and the results will be astounding...
LYA
