Faith and accepting fate

not sure what to post tonight.. just that "i gotta"..

i spent the last weekend Larping, reconnecting with the ex, and helping people who needed it.. its what i do, and i am great at it.. insofar as helping people realize what it is that they already know.. it's great being the "little reminder" that people need to get back in touch wth them ownselves..

but i digress..

this last weekend was phenominal for me.. spiritually and otherwise..

let me start at the beginning..

for the last month, i've been getting feelings.. seeing signs, and noticing a lot of "i should be doing-ness" stuff..
i've been going to Rosanna to help unlock my block insofar as accepting my spirituality.. not anything bizarre, jut really believing in the feelings that i get and following my heart..

last month, i've been getting hit hard with "13's" .. i'll be driving somwehere and thinking  "i miss her", and a 13 will pop up out of the blue.. it'll be 13 degrees out, or 13 km to the next town, or 1;13 in the afternoon (13:13)..

to me, this is a sign of my ex girlfriend and soulmate; her favorite number is 13..  but it turns out that it's also a sign of angel ascendeds, which is really cool because it's nice to know that someone like mary magdelena is looking at whatever situation you've got and saying "yeah, that should work out.."..

so, 13's keep popping up.. i'm asking myself, "self, what's going on.. i know *I* believe it's related to my Ex....(and it is really.. keep reading..)."

so my mentor and spirit guide, in a totally unrelated session, says "think of a question you need to ask, and pull cards till you feel it's right".. so i go with it..
the number i think of is originally 3, then @ the last moment i think "1".. and i pull 1 card..

as per my post for the 13th, it's the harmony card..

this is interesting, because the question i asked was: should i go to this LARPing session in new york.. because it ment the distinct possibility of running into my Ex, and her current squeeze.. i wanted to go, but i don't want to screw up whatever she has going on..

anyhoo.. you're supposed to not just take the card at it's "face value".. you need to look at the imagery and see what it means to you.. because this is truly the connection between you and the spirits looking out for you.. messages are everywhere..

i look at the card: it has a blue bit at the bottom, and a lot of trees.. this represents a forrested area with a lake/pond, which i took to mean "Crossroads", the Larping place i was asking if i should go to.. they have a spot like this, and i remember it vividly as a place i totally felt at peace in..

the other aspect of the card is the halo/bright light around the angel's head.. meeting my "spirit guide" garnered an image of "GBL", my "glowy ball of light".. it refuses to let me know "why me", but i've just accepted it as my symbol into the spiritual world.. It's looking out for me, but it's temporary till its done with me and i move on to the next one..

the last aspect of the card was the angel with the fiddle.... i always used to call my ex "angel".. and she had a pentient, after we broke up, to learn the fiddle.. (and i hear she's doing awesome at it)

the angel with the fiddle clinched it.. the 13s were a sign that i needed to go down there.. she was calling to me.. if for no other reason than just to say "hi", maybe give her a hug, and let her know that "i'm still there for her".. but the angel with the fiddle was a definate sign to me that i had to be there.. i booked a flight that day.

as it turns out.. when all this was going down in my mind (say, late april), she had this rabid desire to talk to me.. no phone call, not by text, face to face..

she called and i heard it.. just like when we would text each other @ the exact same moment when we were together; just like when i would think of her and she would shudder, knowing it was me.. we have a connection, her and i.. something that ascends mere labels... this weekend, and the *fact* that i came when she called, clinched it for me.

we're connected. and i need no other proof of it. whatever she needs of me, she's got it: regardless of our status as a couple or not..

i still see us growing old together.. and in that vision, i look to my right, and she's *with* me, her hand in mine.. and smiling that world-stopping smile of hers..

that hasn't changed since we broke up, and the image is just as strong as it was 7 months ago.. but just like 7 months ago, i know in my heart "she needs to do something, and i can't be a part of it".. so all i can be is supportive..

i also know in my heart she knows that..

that's my story. This event has bolstered my faith in her, and in my spirituality.. what it means to "us".. whatever we will be, it will be strong.

But insofar as my faith, gentle readers: its reinforced this... trust your gut, because it truly will lead you where you need to go. The signs will just reinforce it, like they have with me.. your gut and your heart are one..

Friday May 13, 2011...

'nuff said.. love you angel..

Advice and the Art of Saving the World

I'm the go-to guy..

The "rock solid"..

The "voice of reason"

I have never shyed away from giving advice. I have an opinion on a lot of things, done a lot of stuff, but i'm not vocal about it (barring something that is *really* pissing me off..) What i've always found odd is how many are drawn to me to get it.

Lemmie 'splain..

Some of my fondest, deepest, most cherished friends will have issues.. need advice.. sometimes a (verbal) kick in the ass. It go's without saying that these people would approach me: they're my friends.. and that's what you do when you are a friend.. you invest yourself in an empatetic, sympathetic manor to get them through whatever ails them, be it brutally honest opinion, white lies, a kind word, or a smack upside the head.

In my case, it's also strangers.. passing acquaintances, people i barely know, who open themselves up to me.. intimate details about their relationships, advise regarding their career, *sexual issues* (NB: it's the little, awkward moments in your life that truly bring you joy.. ~cherish these~)

I don't know exactly why people come to me.. Maybe there's something about me that causes them to gravitate my way.. Maybe i'm simply the closest warm body who'll listen; maybe i'm the "divested stranger" they need: an untainted view because i don't know the actors in the play..

I like to think it's all of these.. mostly, it's my *EGO* that likes to think it's all of these, because of the simple fact that out of everyone, these people chose 'me' to open up to.. there's a lot of humble-nobility and satisfaction in this little ego trip.. because, for the most part, people are doing it because they have taken a chance in confide their trust to you..  Sometimes i would text my ex (a therapist) during work hours, simply asking her "whatcha doing hun? saving the world?" she'd almost without fail reply:  "absolutely :-)",  fully understanding how close to the truth this actually was..

The thing is, people have given you their trust, and you have an obligation to honor and respect that trust, no mater how familiar, distal, or awkward it can be in the asking (or the answering)... but the key to honoring it is that advice isn't necessarily about the advice, or expert opinion, or expertise: it's about listening.. And in the listening is sometimes all it requires to actually save someone's world...

Its a calling, i think.. i'm good at it,  i embrace it, and i truly relish in being "that guy".. especially when it comes to simply "being there" for those who need it.. mostly friends, family and loved one's, but anyone's welcome really..  still don't know why they gravitate to me, but whatever the reason pales in comparison to what i can give them for doing it..

So, hats off to you therapists, advisors, and go-to people..
my kin...

Love and respect.


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