Faith and accepting fate

not sure what to post tonight.. just that "i gotta"..

i spent the last weekend Larping, reconnecting with the ex, and helping people who needed it.. its what i do, and i am great at it.. insofar as helping people realize what it is that they already know.. it's great being the "little reminder" that people need to get back in touch wth them ownselves..

but i digress..

this last weekend was phenominal for me.. spiritually and otherwise..

let me start at the beginning..

for the last month, i've been getting feelings.. seeing signs, and noticing a lot of "i should be doing-ness" stuff..
i've been going to Rosanna to help unlock my block insofar as accepting my spirituality.. not anything bizarre, jut really believing in the feelings that i get and following my heart..

last month, i've been getting hit hard with "13's" .. i'll be driving somwehere and thinking  "i miss her", and a 13 will pop up out of the blue.. it'll be 13 degrees out, or 13 km to the next town, or 1;13 in the afternoon (13:13)..

to me, this is a sign of my ex girlfriend and soulmate; her favorite number is 13..  but it turns out that it's also a sign of angel ascendeds, which is really cool because it's nice to know that someone like mary magdelena is looking at whatever situation you've got and saying "yeah, that should work out.."..

so, 13's keep popping up.. i'm asking myself, "self, what's going on.. i know *I* believe it's related to my Ex....(and it is really.. keep reading..)."

so my mentor and spirit guide, in a totally unrelated session, says "think of a question you need to ask, and pull cards till you feel it's right".. so i go with it..
the number i think of is originally 3, then @ the last moment i think "1".. and i pull 1 card..

as per my post for the 13th, it's the harmony card..

this is interesting, because the question i asked was: should i go to this LARPing session in new york.. because it ment the distinct possibility of running into my Ex, and her current squeeze.. i wanted to go, but i don't want to screw up whatever she has going on..

anyhoo.. you're supposed to not just take the card at it's "face value".. you need to look at the imagery and see what it means to you.. because this is truly the connection between you and the spirits looking out for you.. messages are everywhere..

i look at the card: it has a blue bit at the bottom, and a lot of trees.. this represents a forrested area with a lake/pond, which i took to mean "Crossroads", the Larping place i was asking if i should go to.. they have a spot like this, and i remember it vividly as a place i totally felt at peace in..

the other aspect of the card is the halo/bright light around the angel's head.. meeting my "spirit guide" garnered an image of "GBL", my "glowy ball of light".. it refuses to let me know "why me", but i've just accepted it as my symbol into the spiritual world.. It's looking out for me, but it's temporary till its done with me and i move on to the next one..

the last aspect of the card was the angel with the fiddle.... i always used to call my ex "angel".. and she had a pentient, after we broke up, to learn the fiddle.. (and i hear she's doing awesome at it)

the angel with the fiddle clinched it.. the 13s were a sign that i needed to go down there.. she was calling to me.. if for no other reason than just to say "hi", maybe give her a hug, and let her know that "i'm still there for her".. but the angel with the fiddle was a definate sign to me that i had to be there.. i booked a flight that day.

as it turns out.. when all this was going down in my mind (say, late april), she had this rabid desire to talk to me.. no phone call, not by text, face to face..

she called and i heard it.. just like when we would text each other @ the exact same moment when we were together; just like when i would think of her and she would shudder, knowing it was me.. we have a connection, her and i.. something that ascends mere labels... this weekend, and the *fact* that i came when she called, clinched it for me.

we're connected. and i need no other proof of it. whatever she needs of me, she's got it: regardless of our status as a couple or not..

i still see us growing old together.. and in that vision, i look to my right, and she's *with* me, her hand in mine.. and smiling that world-stopping smile of hers..

that hasn't changed since we broke up, and the image is just as strong as it was 7 months ago.. but just like 7 months ago, i know in my heart "she needs to do something, and i can't be a part of it".. so all i can be is supportive..

i also know in my heart she knows that..

that's my story. This event has bolstered my faith in her, and in my spirituality.. what it means to "us".. whatever we will be, it will be strong.

But insofar as my faith, gentle readers: its reinforced this... trust your gut, because it truly will lead you where you need to go. The signs will just reinforce it, like they have with me.. your gut and your heart are one..